i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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