I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
