Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
