She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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