She went from zero to smokin in five shots
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
