Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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