Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
