I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
