The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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