i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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