Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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