I faked an abortion last night.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
