Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He did a backflip because drugs
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
