ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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