I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
