I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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