I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
