My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
