i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
