yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
