batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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