How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
