If i could tip my vagina, i would.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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