do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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