Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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