they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize