God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
