also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
