I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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