Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
