what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
