he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
