how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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