brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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