I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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