theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
