When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I didn't notice because vodka
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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