My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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