I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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