Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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