i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
