Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
