So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You made out with two different species that night
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
