so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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