i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
