....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
