Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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