That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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