I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
