do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
