Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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