its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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