i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
