my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
