Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
