I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
