you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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