he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am midnight drunk by noon
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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