i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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