My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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