Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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