Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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