Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
