You're so nebulous sometimes
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
