i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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