now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
