how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
